gargnob

My bedside table

Tue, 29 Dec 2009 15:17:42 GMT

One thing I've done on my Livejournal account is write something on my Profile page. Actually, I don't know the exact wording used on Livejournal. It was so long since I looked at it last... Well, one thing I've written is a section that I called What I'm currently reading. The only problem being, I don't update it very often... So every now and then, when I check how many posts I've done, I notice that the book is not current, I update it and then a few months go by...

Yesterday I got this idea though. What if I write about the books that are in the pile on my bedside table? They will be read soonish (with a few exceptions every now and then), so therefore the reader will find out what I'll be reading in the near future, including what I'm currently reading. Since I add one book a month, plus an extra three every month, that means I should be able to write the contents down once a month and then a totally new list would be there the month after. True, some books will probably still be there a month after. I change my mind a lot.

Interested readers will ask: why the extra three? Well, a few years ago, 2007, I was off work for Christmas. During that time I read a heck of a lot more books than I usually did so the pile was depleted. What I usually do when that happens is to add an extra pile. In an unplanned way. December 2007 I introduced the monthly extra thing. I did it all through 2008. For 2009, I got the idea to stop doing it. Since I had like 7-8 books a month and I don't usually read that many, the pile grew in size which I counteracted by only putting small books there. By now I had read through many of my smaller books and the books on my bookshelves were mostly bigger. So 2009 I chose not to do it! It lasted until April or May or something and then I went back. Yeah, part of me wants to go back to the old days of non-month extras, but... We'll see what happens, eh?

Long intro that. Let's get down to what is actually on the table at this point in time.

Terry Pratchett: Thief of Time. This is a comedy, fantasy, occult, science-fiction, philosophy and religion book. Like me, Pratchett has a tendancy to write about a lot of subjects at the same time. I know that some readers can't get on board with that, but I love it. I have read it before a few times, and I have listened to on an audie book as read by Tony Robinson I think it was. It got into my collection by the simple means of me buying it. I bought four books a little while back. Yes, all of them Terry Pratchett and all of them in English. Surprised?

Terry Pratchett: The Amazing Maurice and his Educated Rodents. A children's story, comedy, fantasy, mystery, science-fiction drama kind of thing. Yes, it was part of the four mentioned in the previous paragraph. Yes, I've read it before. I just love rereading Pratchett. You can always get something new out of his books even the fourth or fifth time you read them...

Dan Brown: The Lost Symbol. Many say that Dan Brown can't write a coherent story if his life depended on it. I guess me liking his books and owning four of them means that I'm not much of a reader then? Anyway, the interesting bit about this book is how it got into my collection. When I left Jonte Engdahl's, I got a gift certificate for a near by book shop. One day I, for some unknown reason, looked up Dan Brown and saw that he had written a new book. So when I found the book in the store the day after I took it as some form of sign or something. It's in American English (yes, there is a difference) which kind of lead to something of a problem. My next door neighbor borrowed the other two books in the Robert Langdon trilogy, but since she doesn't read English books, she had to skip on that one. I still look for the Swedish translation when I go to the library to lend it to her. Still no luck. It's a reread, but good books deserve to be read often.

Stephenie Meyer: Om jag kunde drömma (Twilight). I mentioned this book yesterday, which inspired this post. Santa Clause, apparently, is into the whole Twilight thing? I remember, when I first opened up the present, I only read bits and pieces on the back. From it I learned that it was a love story? Amazon had awarded it as one of the best teenage romance novels of the decade?! I'm not a teenager, I don't often read love stories, what was going on here?!? After getting my glasses on, I read the word vampire and I got a hunch as to the story... True enough, under original title it said Twilight.

So those are the books currently in the pile. The order in which they appear on the list have nothing to do with which order I will read them in. I tried, for a while, to put the newest book getting into the pile on the bottom, but that made it difficult to view it's content. Currently I have the biggest book on the bottom and so on with the thinnest being second on top. The one on top is of course the books I'm reading: Thief of Time.

You know, it would make more sense to write this list on the first every month, wouldn't it? Oh well, I had the idea yesterday so I wrote the post today. It's the way I get inspiration.

PS. Yes, I finally wrote a Christmassy post yesterday, are you happy now? Please tell me what topic you want me to tackle next :). (preferably a simpler one...)

Santa Clause

Mon, 28 Dec 2009 14:14:12 GMT

About half a week ago, the door bell on my door started playing Wagner. Don't ask why we got rid of the old door bell or why my dad chose Wagner of all the available music themes on the electronic door bell. I guess he just liked it *shrug*. Since I was, mostly, asleep at the time, I let my dad open the door. There was noone there! (spooky, isn't it?). A wrapped present laid by the door as he opened it. A present for me? Wow. Who was it from? It was from Santa Clause! It was a book! I just love getting books, don't you? (I know most of the world don't read, but this is my blog and I'll assume that who ever reads this reads, otherwise they wouldn't have read the question). Later in the evening, he text messaged me, asking if I had gotten it, to which I replied yes and all was well.

That got me thinking... Who is this tubby, red clad dude anyway? Why does he give presents? Where does he live when he's not making visits to all the children of the world? Why a red coat? It's winter, surely white is more appropriate...

Many questions, most of which won't be answered today. I will simply write down a few of the legends as I remember them from school and we'll see what we can see.

Let's start with the birth of Jesus Josefson Christ. According to the legend, he was born on December 24th, year 0. The day after, three shepherds came visiting and brought him gifts. Now hold on a second there... How did the shepherds find their way to a crib in Betlehem? By the way: that's a literal crib, as in dispenser of food for animals, not the modern day phrase crib meaning house. Apparently, according to the legend, the three of them were following a star? Ok, let's get that straight: three SHEPHERDS were out and about in the MIDDLE of the night in DECEMBER looking at stars? Take a few seconds to think that through. Now imagine the consecuenses of our lord and savior being a Capricorn! However, had the story taken place in spring, when shepherds are out to help the sheep with the lambing, that would make more sense, wouldn't it? Also, the travel would be easier. Tax gathering is usually handled in the spring. It would've made more sense, wouldn't it? It MIGHT have something to do with the fact that people have been celebrating winter solstice for thousands of years, complete with giving gifts to each other. POSSIBLY the Christian tradition simply stole the holiday from old pagan religions? Just speculating here, let's move on...

270-346 a dude called Nicholas of Myra lived in what is now known as Turkey. One of his traditions was the giving of aid to the poor around winter solstice each year. Why? Because it's cold in winter and the poor need blankets and food. Does it sound like the behavior of a saint? Well, yes, it does. So he's known since then as Saint Nicholas. His occopation, by the way, was that of a bishop. There is a bit of a colour clue there for you, if you're paying attention.

Let's go all the way to paganism, shall we? Have you ever heard of a guy called Oden, Odin, Wendel and about a hundred other names? Can you remember how the paintings of him look? Long flowing beard and a hat that comes to a top. Kind of similar to Gandalf if you think about it... Why did I mention that guy? Well, it's another clue, put them all together and you might figure it all out.

At least back in 17th century England, there were legends of a bearded, well fed, guy with a green, fur lined suit and a inclination of giving out presents to children. We're getting closer to today, isn't history fun?

Somewhere along the line, the giver of toys was a goat. Somehow, that got made into the devil, which followed the present giver around. Only like 100 years ago, those that were nice got presents, but those that were naughty got taken back to hell by the devil. It's the old carrot AND stick ruitine. You know, if it bribery doesn't work and threats don't work, do both!

Around the mid 1800ds a version of Father Christmas turned up in the nordic countries. Wearing a sensible grey coat the Tomte DID have a red hat on. We're almost there, aren't we?

Ok, time to pull all this together. We got all the colours of the rainbow for clothes now, don't we? Surely we can combine them into a dancing elf in a rainbow coloured swede jacket singing? No? Just a thought, just a thought... Somehwere in the 1930s someone took the red bishop's coat of Saint Nicholas, the fur-brim of Father Christams and the red hat from the Tomte and put them all together. Red and white? What does that remind you of? Well, what that advertiser WANTED the audience to think about was the red and white logo of the Coca-Cola company. However, even if the Santa Clause we know today was used as an advertisement plug, the history of his appearance goes back quite a long time, as mentioned above.

Where he lives? Mora. Lappland. The North Pole. Outer space? Another dimension?! The basic idea is: somewhere where it's always winter. As we populate Mora, Lappland and even have base stations on the North Pole, those have proven to be difficult to house the jolly bearded man. I have no idea where his address is these days, but somehow he still gets all those wish lists the children write him. Oh, and he uses reindeer to pull a sled around the world so that he can visit millions of homes on one night. Yeah, let's not get into the physics of world wide travel, those calculations have a tendency to get really messy...

Let's just say: Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, Happy Hanukkah and Happy Hogswatch to all!

Blood Bowl

Tue, 22 Dec 2009 21:55:21 GMT

Yesterday, well, earlier today in fact (I don't count 2 am as earlier today, but according to the rules of the 24 hour clock, it is) I kind of, sort of, promised to write a post about Blood Bowl. It's the game I'm playing currently. Well, off and on. Sometimes I have the attention span of a kitten and I'll forget about, oh, look, a shiny thing over there...

Anyways. I told someone about the fact that I've been waiting some 15-20 years for a good computer game version of the game and that this year it had arrived. His assumtion that it was bad was a good one. So often, after having waited for that long, nothing good can come of it. However, it's actually very good. True, I've only played the straight to computer version yet. Since, to today's youth, that is boring and takes too long, there is also a version with real time playing time. I, who've played the board game that it originates from, like the slow, turn based mode.

History? Oh, ok. Somewhere in the 80s, apparently, Europeans started getting an interest in American football. I guess we finally got over the facts that:

A. American Football, after the kick off, is not played using your feet.
B. The item being thrown around is not spherical like a ball.
C. There is already a game called football, where you use your feet all the time, kicking a spherical ball around.

Anyway, somewhere around that time quite a few attempts were made to create a tabletop board game out of it. One such was Crrrunch!!! Actually, don't ask me to spell it. It has, litterally, been over a decade since I played it, and it's not mentioned in any historical record of Blood Bowl that I've read. Why did I mention it then? Well, the basics were layed down with that game. The basics being: violence, on field war and fantasy creatures used to play the game. It was not great though... As I recall, the playing things were cut out pieces of paper moved along a field that was simply too big for the game. And since the game didn't end until you got three touchdowns, the game could go on forever, the ball being thrown across the field, both teams running after it, back and forth... It was rather messy, in retrospect.

In 1987 the first version of Blood Bowl was released, the creater being Jervis Johnson. A very talented man who also co-created Warhammer 40.000, a future version of Warhammer Fantasy Battles and also Necromunda, which was set in the WH40K universe. By the way, now that we've finally gotten Blood Bowl up and running, could we look to Necromunda next? That was my favourite game for years. The simplicity of it, compared to WH and WH40K, was that you only had like 10 figures on each side instead of hundreds or thousands. Which is also true of Blood Bowl.

In 1988 a second version was created. This time with actual figurines for the players to play with. The game mechanics started going more towards a sports game and less of the Warhammer influences were there.

In 1994 we finally get to the third edition. This is where we are today, more or less. The game comes with two complete teams, Orcs and Humans. 24 plastic figurines in all. I still have 11 of them, I think... I chose one side, the guy I purchased the game with chose the other. But then I lost one thrower... Such things happen. The original box game got added to with playing cards that added a lot of flavor to the game, but was rather disliked by many players, since it added a bigger element of luck to play a part. No matter how well you played, no matter how good you planned each action, your oponent might get just the right card to say: nope! You didn't score that touch down. Ha ha.

A fourth edition was released in a gaming magazine and then added to and subtracted to a lot over the years. Since I didn't read it, I've only read about it. Jervis Johnson himself states that some rule changes should've been better play tested before release...

Currently, there is a "living" rule book online. The idea is that rules are added in and taken out by players over the years. I actually printed out a copy once. Thick wad of paper that was... The basic ideas of the game remain the same though. Also, there is of course the dreaded house rules to take into account... Those state, pretty much: in this house or in this gaming club, we skip some rules and add a few of our own. They're dreaded by people who come along from outside the group. Also, if you play under house rules for too long, you forget what the official rules are.

Oh well. In 1995, during the hype of the 3rd edition, a computer game was released. In my mind: the developers should be flogged. The graphics were horrible, meaning that you couldn't see a difference between a 10 foot troll and a 3 foot dwarf. You had to physically direct your mouse pointer over the player to find out what was what. Also, all the players were seasoned players. Meaning that you couldn't start out with a new team of players. They all had special skills from the get go. Now imagine trying to keep track of your 11 players and the oponents 11 players, where all of them are represented by a player that looks exactly the same as the rest...

In 2009, June 26, the game I bought came out. Since I had heard all the hype, I missed the actual release... The logic behind that? I had been caught up in the hype of the follow up game to Duke Nukem 3d and I don't want to get caught up in something like that again... That game is still in development, right? 13 years later? Also, Jagged Allience 3 is still being developed, right? (the list goes on and on...)

So how did I do? Well, I started off with the tutorial. Not much to say there, I knew most of the rules by heart before hand. I did the single match thing. It ended 1-1. The game was more difficult than I remembered... Then I started the campaing. It ... didn't go well. First match, three dead and then I gave up. This was during the first three days. I was pacing myself, since a lot of build up had gone into me playing the game. Like I said, 20 years of anticipation. The second campaign, where I wore green instead of blue (because green is mean, yeah I've played orcs in a lot of games during the decades of being a gamer) went better. It's still going on. To clarify why this time is better: I faced off against wood elves the first game instead of chaos warriors. Wood elves go for the more agile game style of ducking and weaving, avoiding fighting and chaos does not. Since my own game style is more fighting based, I walked straight into the fists of the chaos team... What race do I play then? The humans. It's boring, I know. What makes humans so special then? In one word: nothing. This is true to most fantasy games. It also presents a challenge, which is good. What is good about not being special, in this case? Well, elves are fast, agile, throw the ball well and dodges out of the way. However, they are also fragile which gives a more aggressive player an edge when it comes to fighting. Chaos warriors are more heavily armoured and can really pound the snot out of you in close combat. Their weakness is that all that armour weigh them down, so a more agile team can dance around them to score touchdowns. Killing your oponents players is good fun, but at the end of the day, the team to score most touchdowns win. So that is where humans excel: against slower, tougher teams, they can move around a lot and throw the ball. Against faster, more agile team, they can kick some serious armour padding.

By the way: yes, I did postpone buying it until recently to coincide with me being off work for Christmas. Remember: red is the colour for Christmas because the blood is flowing all over the field. Well, actually because our ancestors sacrificed to their gods, pleading for the sun to come back. It usually does, so the sacrifices worked, didn't they? Now where's that sheep...

How much are you willing to pay to play?

Tue, 22 Dec 2009 01:12:49 GMT

This question has been going around my mind for the last 5 years or so. *looks it up*. Ok, since June 15th 2005. That's when I played a trial version of a game called City of Heroes.

I played it for the trial period, loved it, wanted to buy it, but there was just two small problems: the price and the fee. The price was nothing too spectacular. New games costs a LOT of money. Which of course makes people pirate games more often. Sales go down. And prices get raised even more. It's a vicious circle, really. Anyway, that's not really what I wanted to write about today, it's the other word: fee.

Now, CoH is nowhere NEAR as well known or played as World of Warcraft. I've played WoW. I guess my experience of that game was ruined by my experience with CoH. Above all: the travelling bit. As a character in WoW, you CAN buy a horse or other appropriate mount, at level 20. With it, you can travel faster. I can't remember, is it 100% faster? At the most? However, horses, for some reason, can jump no higher than you can. In CoH you get your travel power at level 14. Want to know how high you can jump? To the moon. Well, there's a cap at the top of the highest sky scraper. In CoH you play superheroes. At level 14, if you so chose, you get the ability to fly. Being able to do that, kind of ruined my WoW experience, since I had to WALK everywhere. Superjump in CoH makes you jump tall buildings in a single bound (congrats if you get the reference).

Yeah, I got side tracked. I actually wrote a school assignment on CoH once. It was years ago now though.

After my two week trial period, I thought about buying the game. Costly, yes, but if I liked it so much, surely I could afford it? Yes, I could. The stinger is the fact that it's a MMORPG. Massive Multiplayer Online RolePlaying Game. It's the O there that is the problem... You cannot play the game WITHOUT connecting to THEIR servers. Their servers require maintanence, updates, electricity and on and on. To provide the service of the servers, they have to get payed somehow. They finance this by taking out monthly fees.

I actually held out for over a year. The idea of PAYING to PLAY a game was simply unappaling to me. In November 2006 though, I gave in and started playing. Surely for a month only? Well, it started out that way... According to my account information, I've actually payed for 30 months worth of subscription. At 13 dollars a month that makes 390 dollars. If we assume the dollar to be worth 7.50 (according to Forex.se) that makes 2925 crowns. A new game cost like 400. So, instead of buying SEVEN games, I've spent that money on this ONE game?!

Yes, in 2005 that sounded like an impossible idea to me too. Looking back though, I've gotten a lot of fun out of that game. I usually start playing it again every few months. It's very addictive.

The question arises though, what exactly am I paying for? Most of the time, I play solo. I've had some REALLY bad experiences with teaming with other players (mostly in WoW for some reason). That means that if the game had existed in an offline version, I'd definitely play it more. There would be less strain on their servers and everything would be better. Well, better for me.

Imagine that WoW has, oh, about 10.000.000 players. They all pay 13 dollars per month. That makes 1.560.000.000 a year. Not including the sales of more games, which they make expanses off, so you have to buy the game anew every so often.

You know that question I had about why they charge fees? Yeah, I just answered it...

Anyway, the main question of today's post was how much people are willing to pay to play. Apparently a lot. Pricing here is the same as it is everywhere. If people were to disagree with the high fees, they'd stop paying them. Revenue would go down and the company would lower the price hoping to get back their customers. Well, actually, in the gaming business, they'd introduce new content to lure their customers back.

Actually, that was the topic of my assignment. I concluded that what makes MMORPGs so popular was NOT the massive part, but the fact that the game kept changing. True, more social beings than myself would like a static, non-changing, gaming world. But in the end, it's hard to justify paying fees for that. Yahoo games are rather static, but they don't charge fees, do they? I haven't played for a while though... My favourite Yahoo game, when I actually played? Pool. Simple, easy. I lost more than I won, but had fun playing. That's my strategy: lose and your oponent will continue playing, thereby giving me the enjoyment of the game. I've had that strategy for years... There was this one girl I talked to... She repeatedly told me that she'd swim from Liverpool to get to my house, wisk me away and marry me. The fact that I was younger than her son didn't seem to bother her :). The strange people you can find online sometimes...

How much are we willing to pay? Not a lot really. Which is why the gaming developers have to stay one step ahead of the myriad of free MMOs that exist online. I've tested like a dozen or so. NONE of them even comes close to CoH :(. Oh well, I've taken a break from that. These days I'm playing Blood Bowl. But that'll be a topic of another post, some other day.

Recent progress

Thu, 17 Dec 2009 20:40:41 GMT

Ok, new things have been happening. It all started yesterday morning... But, before we get to yesterday, let's go back further because there's been things happening all over for a while now.

Just recently I've gotten into the idea that Jonte Engdahl's WAS a bad place for me to be. After three months of brain washing by the Work Distributers, it has finally gotten to the point where I can see their viewpoint. That took some effort.

A few days ago, I finally saw how my knowledge of Smalltalk (a programming language similar to Java), SQL, Visual Basic, XML, SPSS, SAS and Matlab IS a good ground for me to have to work at a factory folding boxes. You know that suspension of disbelief? Yeah, it took a LOT of suspension to pull that off... A deportation of disbelief is more like it...

I've actually, recently, been warming up to the idea of me working with card board folding full time as my lot in life. I've studied the maps of Eslöv a bit, I've talked to it's residents and I've slowly, slowly, gotten into the idea that the town could be a nice place to live. The reason for moving would of course be that I could NOT travel two hours to and two hours from work every day WITH an eight hour work day.

So that was my state of mind. Then, yesterday, I got a call from my contact person at Samhall. Aparently, the Work Distributers, the ones that are responcible for this whole mess, have decided that I shouldn't be at Samhall anymore. Typical, I've only just gotten around to the idea that it doesn't suck and I'm told to leave. They're very good at timing like that... The 27th of January I will have to find a company that will give me some kind of job. I've been searching for a job for four years, but now I need to find one in four weeks? Thanks!

There is one bright sparkle though. Well, the Samhall dude mentioned it. He's a nice guy. He and Samhall didn't really deserve the unnice things I've written about them over the months... It was all the Work Distributers' fault really. But since I STILL haven't met my contact person there, I displaced my dislike to Samhall. I appologize for that. Well, his idea was that I knew of a company that would take me in. A company where I had some actual work experience and they would actually have work tasks for me. That's right: Jonte Engdahl's!

But wait a second here!!! The Work Distributers will never agree to that, surely? JE is a vacuum. A black hole. A dead end. Not sutible considering my student records. And on, and on and on... I asked the Samhall guy about it, he asked my Work Distributer contact and she apparently said yes. What?! JE was so unsutible that I had to be DRAGGED away from there, kicking and screaming, to work at cleaning floors (since that is appropriate work for someone with a Bachelor of Science degree). And NOW they think Jonte's is the best place to put me? MAKE UP YOUR MINDS!!! Then, WHEN you've done so, wreck other people's lives, not before.

If everything goes perfectly (wish upon a star, the moon, a space station, what ever) I will go back to Jonte Engdahl's. Why then did they drag me away from it in the first place?

Oh well, I went to Jonte Engdahl's today. Jonte himself told me that he'd phone them up and give them a piece of his mind... I fear for the sanity of who ever takes that phone call, I really do. He's ... very straight forward. My former / future (?) collegue, Cuno, did start a story about how things had changed around there. Things were rougher now. They worked harder. And... He was cut off. Repetedly. That is common though. Phone calls, customers, people asking questions, e-mails... That poor guy has to have the brain of a super computer to keep track of things like that! I did beat him at chess today though :). Then he beat me. It's the way it goes.

Then I got to thinking... Those that know me know that nothing good can come of this. And nothing will. My thought was that I had 20 days leave at Samhall. During the Christmas Holiday I will be using 5 of those. That leaves 15. I was thinking 5 for Easter, 5 for Midsummer and 5 for the Malmö Festival in August. But my time at Samhall ends on the 26th? Hm, how many days is that... Using a gift I got at Samhall, a day planner (with the name Samhall on the cover and text relating to the company on the first pages), I found out that I had 16 days left. Assuming, knowing full well that assumption is the mother of all mess-ups, that I won't need to take a day off for the Work Distributer - Samhall - Me conference on the 14th that leaves... *drumm-roll* 15. *cheers and fireworks* *looks around wondering who brought the drums and the fireworks?*. A-hem. I wrote my contact at Samhall, asking about it. He'll read the mail tomorrow and respond. Could it be that tomorrow is my last day at Samhall?

Regardless of that, I will start my Christmas vacation tomorrow. The first thing on my list of things to do for my vacation? Visit Social Services on Monday. *shrug* I have to. I need money for rent and food and stuff. Also, Cuno thought I needed a hair cut... I've had that thought myself for a while. Maybe some day.

What I don't understand 5: The Band Aid Song

Thu, 17 Dec 2009 09:25:13 GMT

So, Christmas is almost here. True, the stores have been selling Christmas stuff for months already, leading to a lot of Christmassy things being on sale, A WEEK before Christmas Eve. But that's not the subject of today's post. No, what I want to write a bit about is a song called:

Do They Know Its Christmas?

That song is, as far as I know, on EVERY collection of Christmas songs ever recorded. The idea is that the listener will be informed about the troubles of a continent known as Africa. Now, if you want to keep your ignorance, remembering that ignorance is bliss, you do NOT listen to the lyrics. Above all, you should NOT read today's post, because I did listen to the lyrics and I have a few things to say about a few of them...

"the only water flowing is the bitter sting of tears"

Yes, because there are no rivers in Africa, right? The Nile does NOT flow in Africa, right? The longest river in the world does NOT flow there, right? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_rivers_by_length

"And there won't be snow in Africa this Christmastime"

Noteworthy: this is the first time we're introduced to the fact that it's definitely Africa we're talking about. Also, no snow in Africa? Yeah, because Kilimanjaro isn't 5.895 metres high with the top covered in snow all year around. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Highest_mountain_peaks_of_Africa

"Where nothing ever grows No rain nor rivers flow"

I've covered the river part already. No rain? Yeah, because Africa isn't partly covered in a RAIN FOREST? Wherein plants GROW in abundance? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:800px-tropical_wet_forests.png

"Do they know it's Christmastime at all?"

40% of the population is Christian, so yes, I do believe they know who Christ was and what Christmas is. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Africa#Religion

The idea is good. Help those in need. But saying that AFRICA, the second largest continent in the world, is all Sahara desert is a lie. Telling us that it is and making the song one of the most played during Christmas is spreading that lie.

I'm all for helping, I'm for the idea of telling other people to help, but I have a problem with lies. I just can't stand them...

Unemployment Office vs Job Distributers?

Sun, 13 Dec 2009 18:08:32 GMT

I was thinking the other day... Then a thought struck me. Indeed, it was like lightning from a clear blue sky. My thought was thusly:

Why do I use the phrase Job Distributers when I'm writing about the Unemployment Office (Arbetsförmedlingen)?

Clearly, in the past, I've used the phrase Unemployment Office. But these days I use the phrase Job Distributers. Why? It makes no sense! Why would I do that?

The answer is clear: I simply forgot the word Unemployment Office once and had to invent a new one. Then I kept writing about it, using the new phrase. That solution is simple and in all probability true. Well, that was easy and fast. Since I had nothing else to think about, I kept pondering: why, if it isn't for the simple solution, would I use the phrase Job Distributers?

The answer to that question is also very easy. It simply boils down to a disbelief in the system under which I live. A distrust in the way things are run. Simply put: I have a university degree, I was told before getting it that if I got one, I'd get lots of job offers and a high pay. As it is, I live on social services, interning in companies which wouldn't be my first pick for a job. (not saying they were all bad, just not my first pick).

The word in Swedish, Arbetsförmedlingen, LITTERALLY means Job Distributers. Yeah, I've already written about how I tend to go for the litteral interpretation of things. It's one of my many failings. Such is life.

Why then do I dislike the phrase Job Distributers? Simply put: NO ONE I've talked to, be it collegues, friends or family, have EVER gotten a job from them. The jobs suggested by them are always jobs that the client CANNOT take. The stories are many, I suggest going to arbetsfornedringen.se if you want to read horrible stories of people being mistreated by the government. Simply put: you're forced to apply to jobs you will never get, because of education or other merit. A guy told me just the other day, of how the Job Distributers had FORCED him under death threat (if you don't follow their rules, social services won't give you any money, since you have nothing else, you'll then starve and die) to apply for a job. There was only one condition with the job: drivers license. Most people have drivers licenses, so that is normally not a problem, right? He doesn't have one. His application would then take time from him, the employer and the Job Distributers who is handing him the paper. From the Job Distributers' viewpoint, he might be able to get the job anyway, right? Stranger things have happened. I'm not going to dispute that. However, the way things are, with people losing their jobs left and right, there is NO WAY a company would hire someone to try and fit him in in the organisation. There's simply no money for ventures like that. Oh, and the most common story of all: you're married, your significant other has a great job, the kids go to a nice kindergarten / school, and the Job Distributers FORCE you to apply for jobs that are on the other side of the country. They're FORCING you to either seperate from your significant other or forcing her/him to quit their job. From the Job Distributers' point of view, YOU getting a job is "important". At least, that's what they claim...

To state it more succinctly: the Job Distributers do NOT distribute jobs. Their name is a LIE. I hate lieas. Therefore I hate them. Therefore I use the phrase to remind my readers of that. Yes: that explenation is created after the fact. Most of them are...

Oh, quick PS as it were: in a week and a half, my time at Samhall is over. Will the time be extended? Will I be forced to go elsewhere? December is the season to be jolly, but on the 24th (Christmas Eve), I have no idea where I'm supposed to go or what I am supposed to do. My contact at Samhall has been mailing and phoning them time and time again (since I dislike them myself, I let him work as my agent, it's better in the long run, fewer buildings burned to the ground) but he has gotten NO RESPONSE. December is the month of fear, worry and thinking up better ways to commit arson. Currently my thought is the Molotov Cocktail. Throw a brick through a window, then throw the fire bomb after it and go home. Hey, prison food might be bad, but at least I won't starve.

Leading by example?

Thu, 10 Dec 2009 20:29:13 GMT

So I was reading the Metro the other day. I often tend not to, there's usually nothing interesting in it. The column is somewhat interesting and the letters to the editor can even be amusing sometimes. But most of the time it's boring as heck... Muggings, rapes, thefts, price increase on goods I don't buy, Christmas is coming, my horoscope says I will de-flower a virgin before the end of the week, the world leaders are meeting in Copenhagen to discuss the environment... Wait a sec!

The world leaders, they're the ones who tell us what to do, are meeting up in Copenhagen to discuss the environment? A meeting that includes the president of the USA and all the other world leaders? In a town that is like 1 hour 30 minutes away (by Öresundstag)? Wow, this has to be the closest I've ever been to Barack Obama. It blows my mind, it really does.

Ok then, what will they discuss? The environment? Ah, yes, green house gasses, global warming and so on. Surely they will tell all the world to cut down on the creation of noxius gasses. That is: drive less. Al Gore proved, without resonable doubt, that it's cars that is destroying the planet (I haven't watched his slide show and I never will, but people seem to believe that, so I let them). I don't own a car, I don't drive a car and with these new things coming up, surely they will lower the prices on trains and busses. The future is looking bright for commuters! (this optimism thing really isn't me, I need a down side... ah, there's one, two paragraphs away).

Let's see... From Kastrup (Denmark's main airport) to the main train station is 13 minutes by Öresundstag. Surely the world leaders chose this mode of transportation? This is what they will tell us to do, isn't it? I'm sure our leaders will lead by example and travel by train, right?

In the Danish Metro (the train goes through Denmark AND Sweden, so every now and then you get the Danish version) we were told exactly how the world leaders travelled. There were 4000 of them. Did they rent a bus and have it go back and forth? Nope. Did they go by train, as suggested by me in the last paragraph? Nope. What then? They rented 1200 limousines. According to the article, based on an interview with the limousine rental agent, none of them had asked for a fuel efficient alternative. The US contingent alone rented 200 limousines. Exactly how many presidents does that country have? Main guy gets the fancy car, I can see that, but why 199 extra?

1200 gas guzzlers to transport a few world leaders what it takes the train 13 minutes to achive. There is only one word for this: Cha-ching! That rental guy probably made a fortune! Good for him.

I guess we're back to "Don't do as I do, do as I say" again. And people wonder why the common man distrusts politicians...

Advertisements at the fast food restaurant

Wed, 09 Dec 2009 19:33:44 GMT

A few weeks ago, I went to McDonald's. I noticed something which I thought I'd like to comment here. Then I dragged my feet and what not so it didn't make it. Yesterday I visited Burger Kind and noticed something there that I wanted to write about. That's fair, isn't it? I'm going to be upset about both of the fast food restaurants at once! Oh, for you that remember one of my first blog posts, where I critisised all three burger bars? Well, the thing it, that was like two years ago, and I doubt I've been at MAX more than twice in that time... Yeah, I'm not into their burgers. Such is life. (http://gargnob.livejournal.com/970.html)

Let's start at McDonald's. Because... Let's claim it's for chronological reason or something (I have no idea). As I was eating I noticed a poster, advertising McDonald's. McDonald's advertising themselves, how original. You know... It would be REALLY original if Burger King advertised at McDonald's and vice versa. I doubt they'd go for it though. Oh well. Anyway, the text was quite clear:

THE WORLD'S MOST IMPORTANT PARY!
EVERYBODY MUST COME!

If you've been married to your wife for 50 years and celebrate on that day, just forget it! McDonald's is WAY more important! Your head of state has died and you want to watch the funeral on TV (a reference to Gustaf VI Adolf, whose funeral was televised in 1973)? Forget it! McDonald's party is the most important in the world!!! Even if you have to miss the business oportunity of a life time, you HAVE TO come to McDonald's party. That's what EVERYBODY means. It means that you CANNOT stay at home, no matter what the reason.

What does your mind tell you when you read the above? I'm imagining clowns with Mac-10s going from house to house, either killing people or forcing them to the nearest McDonald's. McDonald's is big enough, I'm sure they'd get away with it too.

Yeah, I hate the words everybody and must when used in advertisement, that's nothing new...

------------------------

Wow, Burger King can only be mild in comparison to that! So what did I see yesterday? Well, Burger King personell, just like me, have to wear work clothes when at work. On their shirts is text. So if you're staring at the hot check out chick's chest area, you're getting advertised to. Point one for good marketing. So what did it say? Well, the front side was nothing special, I'll just write it down to make it complete:

TASTE IS KING

Total lie. Everybody knows that cash is king. Talking less metaphorical, Carl XVI Gustaf is king. Not Burger King. However, it was the back that got me somewhat fired up:

WHOPPER IS GOD

Not A god. Whopper is God, singular. Dang it! Stop dragging religion into my meals again! (http://gargnob.livejournal.com/1561.html). The first commandment expressively tells us that we should have no other gods before God. Therefore, I now have to eat the Christian God TWICE before eating another Whopper... True, that is not as hard to do as it might sound. If you go to Church on Sundays, you get a piece of bread and some wine. These represent, symbolically, the body and blood of Christ. Under the assumption of the holy Trinity (there's a lot to discuss there, but I won't, today) Jesus IS God. Therefore, for every Whopper I eat, I have to go to church twice so that I can eat of the Christian God more than the Burger King God.

You know, there is a reason why I'm not very religious... First it was the ice cream and now it's the burgers. Will I have nothing left?

I really don't like advertisements, do I? Oh well, we all have our problems...

What I don't understand 4: 1st class seating on the train

Mon, 07 Dec 2009 20:38:17 GMT

This one has been bugging me for years... I hope I can explain what about the situation I find strange. But first, let's find out whether or not I travel by train enough to give an opinion. After all: if I travel once every decade, that wouldn't be a good source for information, would it?

I travel quite a lot by train. But I don't travel much by train. To clarify: I travel by train daily. One trip to Lund, then one trip to Eslöv. And then back again. That makes four trips per day. Four different trains. Yeah, I travel a lot. Every trip is 8-13 minutes long (depending on other trafic). So about 40 minutes a day. That's not very much. Back at uni, I travelled to and from school daily as well. As a kid, we often went by train, since my grandfather worked at the railroad company as an electrician. Quite a high status job at the time.

What, then, is 1st class? Well, when you go travelling, you often get the option 1st class or business class. 1st class has comfier and softer seats. It's nice in there. How do I know? Because I went into 1st class by mistake at one time, before they chased me out of there. Ok, 1st class is great, why don't I travel with it all the time? Because it costs more. I'm on a budget here. Also, I'm stingy about money. You know how it is.

So the train company has divided up a part of the train to be 1st class. They're charging more for this, due to the fact that it is better. Wherein lies the problem?!

Well... Öresundstrain, which is the trains we're talking about, normally go around Öresund. Hence the name. However, I've only ever seen Öresundstrains when they go instead of Pagatag. Pagatag are used by commuters, since they stop at all the stops. If you're going to go all around Öresund, you want a train that doesn't stop very often. Otherwise it'd take ages...

The main problem arises because Öresundstrains are BUILT to handle fewer passengers over longer trips. When you commute the train more often than not is packed to the brim. Me sitting is more of an oddity than the norm. And part of the train is empty? People are standing up, clutching each other for support, since there is NOTHING to grab on to for people who stand. The trains aren't BUILT to handle people standing.

Of course, should you, accidentaly, stumble on to the doors, and just fall into an empty seat (it can happen) you will be breaking the rules and they'll chase you out.

For normal commuting, 1st class is not an option. You travel for 10 minutes. You are NOT going to spend any EXTRA money to get a comfier seat for that amount of time. However, the trains still run the line that are for commuters... It does bug me, standing up and bumping into people while there is a whole section of empty seats just a glass door away. Oh well, I'm sure they make money from them on the longer trips. Otherwise they'd remove them, right?

What I don't understand 3: 8 hour work day

Sun, 06 Dec 2009 20:02:56 GMT

This one has been disputed quite a lot in recent years. Since we only just recently (historically speaking) got the 8 hour work day, it's time to skip it for something else. The pun on "we want sex, we want sex, we want six hour work day" doesn't work, since in Swedish sex and six is spelled the same. Don't ask me why, I didn't construct the language. Still, it's a nice rhyme, especially when it's women chanting it... Yeah, I'm a testosterone filled male that thinks with my libido, what else is new?

So why would I want to change the length of the work day? Could there in fact be a list of facts that would support the idea of shortening it? Why, I do believe there is, yes.

Fact. A lot of people get "burned out" by working eight hour days. To them, this is too long time to work.
Fact. A LOT of people are unemployed. Don't ask me numbers, since those numbers are falsified. Example: I'm not unemployed, I'm interning. That's not a job, meaning I should be counted as unemployed, but I'm not.
Fact. If three people turned their work day from 8 hours into 6 hours, one unemployed person could step in and work those 6 hours. So if unemployment is 33% it would be fixed in one swift stroke.

The problem of course would be that hiring more people would cost a LOT more than it currently does. This is because not all the money spent on wages by the employer goes to wages for the employee. There's fees and taxes and so on. In other words, if you get four employees instead of three, the amount spent on fees would go up with one third.

Also, if nobody is unemployed, there would be no threat that the employer could fall back on. As it is, if the employee says "pay me more or I'll quit!", the empoyer can simply say: "don't let the door hit you on the way out". This is because there are thousands of people willing to take his place. Since we're a world economy (supposedly) that number could be millions. Tens of millions? This way, the wages are held down to a manageable level.

You might think that getting higher wages to all would be a good thing? Well, you'd be wrong. If all employees got higher wages, the companies would have to raise prices on their goods. This is because their expenses would go up. Of course, the employees would then have to demand more, since all the prices have gone up. Which of course leads to the companies raising the prices again...

Have you ever heard of a country called Germany? They had that for a while, in the 20s. Do you want to know how rich I am? I have, in my collection, a few dozen German stamps worth a few billion marks each. Many of which had been printed as being worth millions and then stamped over them with the new number, billion. This is called inflation. When unemployment go down, inflation goes up.

The problem is that at the moment, a lot of people can't afford to buy unnecessary stuff (food and rent is necessary, the rest isn't). This means that companies go bankrupt, ending up with more people being unemployed. They in turn can't afford to shop either... From what I gether, the Swedish inflation will be 1.7% for 2009. (http://www.privataaffarer.se/nyheter/direkt/telegram/?id=920999). Compared to the goal of 2%, this is very low. Even here we can see unemployment having an impact.

Would more people in the work force be a good thing? For the avarage person, I would have to say yes. Crap jobs are better than no jobs. In my own opinion, a job is worth ten times more than an internship that pays twice what a job pays. The reason being that I would FINALLY have my first real job. I'm 33 years old, is it too much to ask to get my first job in the next few years? I believe that I'm not alone in that situation either. Take a few million from those "projects" that the government spends billions on each year and actually HIRE people. Then we'd see actual change. As it is, sending people to courses abroad, spending millions on teachers and such for it, does not solve the problem. But that is just one man's opinion.

What I don't understand 2: Bus fares

Sat, 05 Dec 2009 21:56:06 GMT

Today's subject is another one of those things I don't understand. I'll add something to the subject line though: the charging of all commuting. This includes buses, trains and, up north, boats. What about it don't I understand? Surely the transport will cost money, gas isn't free and there is the driver and conductor and what not. That's not hard to understand, right?

Well, today's post is actually about three items, relating to the main topic. They are thussly:

Expensive. They charge more and more each year. If you are lucky enough to be able to afford a car, the cost of driving is almost as low as commuting. If you travel to hard to reach places, like Eslöv, you actually make money on driving. Also, in that example, it takes a fourth of the time. If you manage to find someone living close to you, you can car pool. That's good.

Robberies. This one has been in the news quite a lot recently. So much so that even I have heard about it. Apparently, what with there being no jobs and social services telling kids below 30 to move home to mom and dad, young people are quite desperate for cash. Robbery is a way of transfering money from one place to the next. Buses have lots of cash, don't they? So that is what has been happening lately. The bus company have therefore decided that very soon, NO buses will accept cash payment. The logic being, of course, if the bus carries no money, there is no reason to rob it. The problem arises that people in the future (2010 was it?) will HAVE TO carry their bus/train card with them at all times. No longer, if you're out partying and you drink too much to drive home, will you be able to go by bus home. Ok, so I don't party around, but I see it as a potential problem.

Environment. Sweden, among others, believe that if they emit less green house gases, global warming will be halted. Yeah, a country with 9.000.000 people will make that big a difference compared to the other 6.800.000.000 people... Kind of strange the way people think, isn't it? Anyway, one way of helping the environment is to drive less. By having a lot of people using the same transport, you cut down on emissions. That makes sense, doesn't it?

Ok, let's get to the part I don't understand: why not make buses, trains and boats free? Supposedly, those in power WANT us to travel that way. The cost of paying for that is surely LESS than the money spent on marketing campaigns and meetings with other word leaders? No money on the bus = no robberies. More people will commute if it's free, I'm 100% sure of that. Less trafic = fewer traffic jams. I can only see one downside to this:

Higher taxes. Sweden either has the highest taxation in the world, or close to it. Raising the taxes even more would upset people who don't commute. And, of course, those who are in power never go by train, do they? No, they go by everywhere in airplanes and limousines. And they're the ones that are telling us we should pollute less...

No, make travel free. People will then travel more. Less pollution, no robberies (on buses) and easier to take the bus on impulse.

What I don't understand 1: Employing people

Fri, 04 Dec 2009 22:21:15 GMT

So, I was walking along earlier today. Since the weather is getting worse and it gets increasingly darker, my mood is going downhill as well. Being a pessimist at heart, winter is not my best season. To chear me up, I started telling myself that I was good, I was smart and so on. A bit of encouragement, you know how it is. Other people have coaches or psychotherapists that tell them these things, I tell myself. But then I got to thinking... Regardless of how smart I want to believe I am, there is one thing I don't understand...

Yes, in the title I've added a 1. This could become a series of posts wherein I explain things that I do not understand. Of course, I might grow bored with it after one post. Oh well, who knows.

Everything written today will be based upon first hand experience, discussions with work mates and news I've read in Metro. I didn't just come up with it, is my point.

Today's non-understandment comes in the form of a question:

Why would anyone HIRE people today?

Being unemployed, my highest goal is a job. Not work. Work I do already. No, I want a job. Something that has a salary, which gives me a way to pay rent every month. Something I can point to in conversations: I'm a mega rock star with fifteen platinum albums! Or, what ever job I might be able to get. I can't sing, so I don't think that career path is for me.

Why was that my question? Well the answer to that comes in two parts. The first one I've tested for a few years now. The second one is common enough, I've tried going there, but have failed to, so far.

Internships from the job distributers. After you go unemployed for a while, the job distributers (Arbetsförmedlingen) get bored with giving you free money. They send you to work full time at some company or other. The pay? Almost non-existant. In my case, less than existance minimum. The expense for the company that gets this work force? None. Zero. Nada. They get a free work force and, if they're the less nice kind, they work you to death. Or sick leave, which ever comes first.

Outsourcing. I've tried becomming a member of different outsourcing companies. The idea is that companies that need workers NOW can get them NOW. You get salary. They pay for your services. The outsourcing company gets a percentage. All is good, right? Well... Had you gotten a JOB there, there would've been a lot of security about the whole deal. For instance, you cannot, under Swedish labour laws, fire someone right away. There is a time period wherein the employee must remain empoyed from the day he got the boot. This gives you a month or three to continue getting an income and look for other jobs. As an employee you can get experience and go up in rank. As a person who comes into the work place for a week, you're treated as hired help. Which is what you are. You work, you get done working, you leave.

If a company is only looking for the bottom dollar, which they should, that's the definition of a company, they will make sure to get as many interns as possible. Free labour? Why not! And if that doesn't work, at least get people who will only do the job and not actually have any demands about job security.

Again: Why would anyone HIRE people today?

From a pure business point of view, there is NO logical reason for ANY company to hire ANYONE today. It's the buyers market. And if, and this is pushing the suspension of disbelief to the max, the company DOES hire someone, they will in all probability go for the guy that demands the lowest salary. And he'll be happy to get it too!

Oh well, at least I have work. Getting a job might never happen, but compared to being unemployed and sitting and staring at a wall all day, it's pretty good. Personally I've put a computer screen in between the wall and me. Other people have chosen the oh so popular TV. That kind of life can be great for a month or two, but it will rot your brain in the end. Also, any skills you might have will become obsolete fairly quickly. Going unemployed for longer periods of time is heart breaking, it really is.

Anyway, anyone wondering what to get me for Christmas: A playboy playmate. A job! I meant a job! Oh dear...

The pun

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 19:44:37 GMT

A few days ago, I wrote a positive post about my current situation. A needed post since I had written so many negative ones. In preperation for that post, I came up with a stupid pun. It's not great or anything, but I feel it deserves it's moment in the sunshine. Although I haven't seen the sun for a few weeks... Isn't winter great?

So the pun wasn't used. Bummer. It goes something like this:

I studied business and administration in high school, thereby making sure that my future would be full of paper work. Now I fold boxes made of paper. My prediction came true, yay.

Hm, sounded funnier in my head. Oh well. Can't all be winners, eh?

Reader suggested topic 4: Christmas

Wed, 02 Dec 2009 21:37:39 GMT

So I got the suggestion of writing about Christmas a few days ago. I've dragged my feet on the issue. There is a reason though: Christmas is a huge topic and there are many, many ways for me to handle it. In the end though I will be lazy. I might get more into the season of Christmas as we get closer to Christmas Eve itself, but right now there are other things on the way. Quite a few relatives and former work mates have birthdays in December, for instanse. Happy birthday to you all.

Now what kind of lazy subject did I conjour up for today? Well, I got to thinking. What is most important about Christmas? There are many answers to that, of course, but sooner or later you realise that Christmas, how ever it is celebrated or what ever word used for a winter celebration, always ends up with HUGE sales figures. The Holiday season is the number one seller all year. This means that the most important thing is presents. I don't know about you, but as a kid, it was the only thing Christmas was about... Yeah, I was greedy as a kid.

One wonders, is there such a thing as the Christmas present of the year? Surely, in the competitive nature of things, there is such a thing? The answer is yes. This post will simply be cutting and pasting from http://sv.wikipedia.org/wiki/%C3%85rets_julklapp. I will of course translate the list to English and comment on the items. One thing before we begin: The Christmas present of the year is chosen from a list of criterias. The item has to be new, it has to represent the times we're in and be believed to be a big seller. Personally I'd just look at the sales records afterwards and give the price to the product that sold the most. But I'm not the one making choises here, Handelns utredningsinstitut is.

1988 - Baking machines. The idea of making things for yourself was a big thing back then.
1989 - Video cameras. High tech at the time :).
1990 - Woks. Why go out for Chinese food? Make it yourself!

1991 - CD-players. Before this we had record players. I suddenly felt old...
1992 - Videogames. Nintendo for the win! Personally, I had an Atari. That was like 25 years ago...
1993 - Perfume. Huh? I have no idea... People smelled worse back then?
1994 - Mobile phones. You could make phone calls when you weren't home? Really high tech!
1995 - CDs. *shrug* everybody changed from records to CDs.
1996 - Internet packages. I don't think I got onto the world wide web until the year after, but it IS a big change, isn't it?
1997 - Electronic pets, like the Tamagotchi. I think the idea was that kids would learn that pets require a lot of attention? Never got into it, probably too old.
1998 - Computer games. Now we're into my territory :).
1999 - Books, especially the bible. Well, the end of the millenium was comming, the Y2K scare was in full swing, maybe God could help reformat your harddrive?
2000 - DVD players. Another high tech gadget that everybody HAD TO have. Now everybody does.

2001 - Tools. Do it yourself was brought back. Handy men are expensive, so I can see why...
2002 - Cook books. A lot of chef's with their own shows on TV, showing you how it's done. And then they sold cook books to help you further. I have Tina's Food from the TV show with Tina Nordström. I don't cook, but some relative thought it was a good idea.
2003 - A cap. Sort of like getting socks or mittens. How's that "new"?
2004 - Flat screen TV. Again: new tech, everybody has to have it.
2005 - Poker set. There was a lot of poker tournaments on TV. I followed Celebrity Poker Showdown myself. It was rather amusing. Never bought a poker set though, since I have noone to play with.
2006 - Audiobooks. If you like books and you walk a lot, you can now bring your book with you. Nothing new as such, but I guess people got into it again.
2007 - GPS. If you ever get lost and don't know where you are, you NEED one of these. Sean Connery had one in the 60s James Bond movies.
2008 - An experience. The financial crisis had just hit, so people had to make due with experiences instead of toys.

And now for the final thing. Yes, the Christmas present of 2009 has been selected. If you haven't bought your Christmas presents yet, this is the one to get! The nail rug. What? Ok, I've seen them being sold in stores, but I thought it was just a gimick or something. The idea is that you lie on it and you'll feel a lot better afterwards. Sort of like the rugs that had magnets in them a few years ago. People are actually buying the modern equivelent of the iron maiden, a torture device of old? Do they work? I'm not going to look into it. My bed is soft, I like softness when I sleep. The idea of lying on spikes (even plastic ones) doesn't sound quite right to me... On the other hand, what do I know? Most of my non-work clothes are like 10 years old. Following fashion or trends have never been my thing. "I do what I like and I like what I do." (Dick van Dyke in Mary Poppins (1964)).

Today's good deed?

Tue, 01 Dec 2009 21:20:18 GMT

I did a good deed today, maybe. Well, I tried to anyway. This took the form of a question, statement of a problem and a suggestion of a solution. So let's start with the question:

Are you good at computers?

A guy at work asked me that a few hours ago. Now, in a job interview, I'd say yes. I'd show a paper telling my future boss that I have a bachelor's degree in Informatics. I'd point to the fact that I've been using computers pretty much my whole life. This was different though. I knew an exam would follow, regardless of my answer. If I said yes, it would be that more difficult to explain why I couldn't solve his problem. So I settled for: quite good.

Now we get to the interactive part of today's post. I will try to explain the problem the way he told it to me. Then it's up to you, the reader, to think about how YOU would've handled the problem. Remember: I had no time to ponder a solution. If you want to take time off to think about it, fine, but it can be interesting to see how our solutions differ, can't it?

Ok, the guy has a lap top. He's played a lot of games on it in the past (establishing previous behavior, well planned problem statement from that guy). Now he had installed a new game. Yes, he told me the name. Yes I asked again. No, I didn't recognise it... He told me the story of the game, but the plot of a game can take many different forms, so that doesn't tell anything. Regardless, he starts the game up. Nice introduction graphics, nice music and so on. He starts playing and is hit with Parental Protection. Or some such word. It freezes the game up and he can't continue. He thinks it's just a glitch and restarts the game a few times. Doesn't work. He uninstalls the game and reinstalls it a few times. No change. He changes account on the laptop so that he is definitely the administrator. I have accounts on my computer too, I never use any other than the one I use now. In theory, it's good to have seperate accounts for seperate duties. He makes sure that he is currently the administrator. Root for those who use unnessary lingo. Still the game does not work. He tells me that he's asked a lot of people but have gotten no help. I imagine that they've given him the advice to do the above, which I probably would've as well. Now I cannot give that advice, since he's already done it. He mentions that he was very near reformating the whole computer, which would be going a bit far. I agreed and I only had one advice to give him. Now then, what would you, the reader, suggest?

Well, I had pretty much no option but to tell him that I didn't know. I'd like to suggest that he asked others, but he already had. My advice therefore was an easy one: Google.com. If he's having problems with a game, chances are others have had the SAME problems in the past. Someone else will undoubtedly have used a gaming forum or other to ask the question. Google would be able to find that question and possibly direct him to an answer.

Was that good advice? Did I help him in any way? If it turns out that NONE of the other people he asked suggested it and he didn't think of it himself, yes, I did help him. But that answer is such an obvious one that I don't think I can take credit for it. Hopefully I see him again tomorrow, and I'll find the end of the story. Had I only understood the name of the game, I'd look myself. As it is though, I can't...

Oh well, you do your best with what you've got. This problem didn't have an obvious answer to me, so I suggested that he looked elsewhere. Any problem that exists after the late 90s should always be put to Google first. It's a rule to live by and many do.

The suggested topic I was given two posts ago? It's comming, I'm just thinking of a way to start it off. It's rather a broad topic. I might even make more than one post about it. Maybe not, who knows. Either way: something happened in my life today that I thought was interesting enough to write down, so I did.

Cliff hanger

Mon, 30 Nov 2009 21:47:07 GMT

Yesterday I promised to write wether or not I went on a walk in the middle of the night. Well, let's put that cliff hanger to rest: yes, yes I did. I did notice getting more tired than I remembered from previous nights. It might have something to do with the fact that I left at 10 pm. My deepest suspision though is that I simply haven't gone walking like that in a month. True, I walk for the same amount of time every day, but it's not the same as walking continously like I did yesterday.

Everybody knows what a cliff hanger is, right? Well, just in case not, I will describe it very shortly.

In the olden days of films, the 1920s and 1930s, movie theaters didn't show movies the way we know them now. Instead they were mostly serials. Since then, of course, TV has taken the role of a weekly story telling. Cliff hangers have become a norm in most TV in more recent years. The principle remains the same though. The main character is hanging over a cliff, unable to pull himself up. His fingers are going numb and he will surely die. It's scary, it's thrilling and you will find out how it ends... Next week. Same Bat Time, same Bat Channel.

I think, when I was first introduced to it, outside of my own home and TV, my teacher at the time told us about Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens. That book was written to be published in the paper. This meant that every chapter would end on a cliff hanger. What will happen next? Well, you will just have to buy the next paper to find out, won't you?

Of course, cliff hangers has a longer story than the late 1800ds. One thousand and One nights for instance shows the queen telling the king a story just before going to sleep. Since she will be put to death the following day, she ends the story on a cliff hanger. Since the king just HAS TO find out the end, he let's her live one more day. As you can guess from the title, she does this 1001 times. From what I remember, she was then set free. Well, I haven't actually read it. Might be a project worth looking into one day...

I, like most of my generation I'm sure, grew up with cliff hangers in soaps. Every episode ended in a cliff hanger. In fact, even if I didn't know it at the time, every act was ended on a cliff hanger. Then the show would cut to an add. Why I didn't know? Because we didn't have advertisements on TV in those days. Now we do, which is why I don't watch TV anymore... I follow the Groucho Marx approach: "I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.". I find it as good an advice today as it was back in his time.

One last tidbit before closing. Thrillers. Since I read quite a lot I sometimes read thrillers. Their build up is very dependant on cliff hangers. Every chapter ends with you wanting more. You want to put the book down, you need to put the book down, you have work the day after, but you simply HAVE TO find out how the protagonist will solve the problem this time.

To sum up: the answer was yes.

Current situation, in a positive light

Sun, 29 Nov 2009 20:33:26 GMT

I was thinking the other day... I made the promise that I would write about any topic given to me (in writing, otherwise there'd be millions of them). I started thinking that I should write a disclaimer. Something along the lines of "Unless you tell me to write about subject X! There is no way I could ever do that!". But then I thought harder about it. My conclusion is that if I want to be a professional writer (that is: getting payed for my insane ramblings) I should try to be able to write about anything. Even the subject I fear the most. So, using that logic, I have chosen to take the bull by the horns and write about the situation I'm in, from a positive angle.

The reason I need to do this is that I've written so many negative posts about the current situation. Being a pessimist, that's not difficult. But surely I can think of something good, right? And so it begins...

I do only work four hours a day now. In theory that's fewer hours spent at work. That thought is rather invalidated by the fact that I'm actually away from home for an hour longer than when I worked six hours a day. Still, my lazy side HAS to view this as a good thing.

Walking. True, I stopped taking my every other day walk. However, that walk took me 1 hour, 40 minutes. Now I take four walks (to the station, from the station, to the station from the station) every, single day. It takes me a grand total of 1 hour, 40 minutes. So I go out more and get more fresh air. That's always good.

Work. There is a saying one of my teacher's used a few times that kind of fits it. "It's so easy a MONKEY could do it!". Of course, he was talking about visualising the effects on aggregated demand when a traded product had an increase in price over an international market. But I think it applies. The good part about that is of course that I can do it. And while the job is repetitive, it is NOT as repetitive as cleaning. True, when I cleaned I cleaned different areas on different days, but in the end it was always the same... At Sydbox I sit or stand a full day doing the same motion. Ok, sometimes for a full week. But the jobs do differentiate every now and then. Using different muscles each time. Mostly using hands and arms though... I wonder how we could introduce the folding of paper using our feet...

Pay. Eh, nothing to note here. It's the same.

Lunch. Speaking of money... Every other day at my previous work, we ate different items for lunch. Pasta, pizza, Chinese food. Here I eat my same old boring sandwiches every day. However, I have, sort of, started going to Burger King after work once a week or once every other week. The thing is, Burger King is right next to the train station. And I really like Whoppers... You save money on one thing and spend it on the next, such is life.

Socialising. This one is a bit difficult. A few weeks ago we DID do work where it was just the hands working, we were sitting really close together and the rest of the people were women. Women are chatty, so that lead to getting to know your co-workers a bit. The last week though... Yeah, sorting sheets of paper take up too much space and the chatty guy is behind me. I can't really talk to people that I can't see so I turned around a lot... You know that thing I got upset with someone else for doing? Oh well.

Getting a job. Every now and then I get depressed, feeling like I can't do this job for more than a week more. Then I start thinking that I could go on doing this till the day I die. I just need to occopy my mind with something while I do it. The problem is that Samhall, like every other company, isn't really hiring. Their boss, The Swedish Government, has put a certain number down: 19.000. The labour force in Samhall is never going to grow any larger than that. But who knows, there are quite a few older gentlemen and gentlewomen working, so early retirement is not out of the question.

Could I see myself working at the place I am now for years on end? In theory yes. There is however, the logistics problem. Like I've mentioned in the past, my free time in the evening is like four hours long (a movie, dinner and mail checking). If I started working eight hours a day instead of four, that'd be four hours less free time. No dinner? I'm a Skaning! Don't ever threaten a Skaning's dinner!!! The South shall rise again!

Where was I? I have no clue. Anyway, to sum up. The work is doable. The work mates are, for the most part, a friendly bunch. Not too many demands on me yet. Everything is rather ok. The idea that I'm doing this as work testing is a bit weird though... I'm testing to see if I can work? I just worked for 16 months straight, we know I can work already. Yeah, every now and then, I pause and ask why I'm here? What is it all for? Does God exist? Can we prove the Big Bang? What is truth? Why was Christian Slater in Star Trek VI? (the last one is a reference to Nostalgia Critic's Alone in the Dark review, view it here: http://thatguywiththeglasses.com/videolinks/thatguywiththeglasses/nostalgia-critic/11343-alone).

I have been pondering lately though... On weekends I don't actually go out walking for 1 hour, 40 minutes. Maybe I could take up walking my usual walk during those times? It's 9.30 pm right now. And I have this strange urging in my feet all of a sudden... Tune in tomorrow when I'll tell you if I found a way do dissuade myself from walking or my feet won the vote (two feet over one me?).

A meeting I had

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 20:12:59 GMT

I ran into my last boss' wife the other day. She asked me how I was doing and so on. From my story to her, it was rather apparent that she didn't like the situation any more than I do... I got the question of wether or not I liked it? Since I've been sort of brainwashed lately, I said yes. How the brainwashing has been done? Well, if I don't say yes to folding boxes, they'll put me back at cleaning floors, and THAT is something I don't want. Folding boxes and similar? Heaven compared to cleaning in my book...

The events of today's post actually started early last year. I had been working at a place where I didn't have enough education to do what I did, we didn't have enough work to do and I spent most of my time cleaning floors. In the end, I ended up with a depression. Partly because of the cleaning floor bit. I'll get back to that later. After being off sick for a month (with no sick leave, mind you) I went to work at Swede. There I worked at a production line for a few weeks. Dull, boring, the same work every day... Well, I needed something simple to get back into working, so that was ok. For a few weeks. Then of course, I got to Jonte Engdahl Motorsports Ltd. I liked working there, I liked the people and they liked me. Everything was peachy. Surely nothing could go wrong with that arrangement? If nothing had, this post wouldn't have needed to be written.

Today's post is a summation of what has happened these last two months. It all started on September 18th. A representative from the Job Distributers (Arbetsförmedlingen) came visiting. Not my new contact at the Job Distributers, I have still to meet her, but some other person. Not quite sure why she was working my case... Anyway, she told me that I was in a vacuum, a dead end. The solution? In her mind, I should go on. Discover new things. Get to jobs that actually fitted my university degree. You know the drill, the grass is always greener on the other side, some nutball has paved the streets with gold and so on. An interesting thing was that she didn't sell me on the idea. Uusally that kind of sales pitch is from a seller. She was merely telling me how things would be from now on. I had no say in the matter. So what did she promise? Let's see:
Joboportunities that fit my education: Systems operator, program designer, HCI expert etc.
Joboportunities that fit my interests: Librarian, bookstore clerk etc.
To get on to bigger and better things (unnice to the job I had, I thought).
Courses so that I could embark on bigger and better things (22 years in school isn't enough?).
Increase in pay. This one was mostly from those around me, trying to cheer me up.

Monday to Wednesday was unplanned by the Job Distributers. I chose to work those three days. I liked working where I was and I chose to do so.

On the Thursday, the 24th, I met up with the contact at Samhall.The green grass and the gold? Nope, didn't exist. My first job, which I got to chose, was either cleaning floors or raking leafs. Leaf raking would involve me freezing my ... extremities off. It would be hard work. He really tried to convince me that was the worse choice. I told him: ANYTHING other than floor cleaning! Where did I end up? Do you really need to guess?

Cleaning floors, work 1. So there was me, working at cleaning floors. I had not done the mandatory introduction course yet. A course which I was told HAD to be done BEFORE cleaning ANY floors for Samhall! Don't worry, I'll get back to that course later. Three weeks later in fact... So let's recap, a year ago I was doing work that I didn't have the skills or education to do and cleaning floors sent me into a depression. Now I was doing work that I hadn't been educated at and it was ALL about cleaning. Oh, also tables and white boards. Can't say that helped that much... Interesting incident: I started work at 6.30 in the morning. I couldn't get in, since the doors were locked. I had to stand out in the wind and cold until one of the other cleaning personell came and opened for me. All well and good, you might think? Nope. On Thursday and Friday the first week and Monday the week after NONE of the other cleaners showed up. They were all on sick leave. There was me, standing out in the wind (wind shelters, darn it, it was a school for construction workers, couldn't they build something?!) for half an hour. Then me leaving to go home. Sure, I could've waited on the janitor to lock up. But what were my duties? What was I supposed to clean? And all brooms and buckets were inside a locked room... At one point, I did look up at the beam right across the roofing. Pondering exactly how many strings I had to knot together to bear the weight of me... Chairs and buckets were a plenty on the inside, all I needed to do was figure out how many strings I needed. Yeah, suicidal after only a week. The Job Distributers sure are effective, aren't they?

Ok, I promised I would write about the course. Well, it took three days. Full days, mind you, eight hours. I can divide it up in three parts: stuff that was important for me in my work that I had already learned by doing. Stuff that was important for me in my work that I HADN'T already learned and stuff that was useless to me. The stuff that was important but I hadn't learned already? Wasn't used at Lernia, where I was cleaning. Three days that gave me nothing, except a diploma. A diploma reminding me that I had gone to a course and learned a lot of things that I was then not allowed to use. Great.

So that went on for three or four weeks. Cleaning floors, tables, white boards and toilets. Did I forget to mention toilets? Yeah, I wonder why that is... In my mind the cleaning was rather useless. Everything I cleaned looked clean to me BEFORE I started cleaning and then looked clean after. It might have something to do with me being male, but it might also have something to do with the fact that we cleaned it daily. Every single day. The same class rooms, the same toilets, the same hall ways, bore city...

Folding boxes, work 2. I name this folding boxes, because the box folding was actually kind of fun, comparably. You picked up a box, folded the up part, the down part, kind of forced the two sides into an upright position, folded in the up part and folded in the down part. If ever you seen a white box that contain a cupon for Allers Veckotidning, I folded boxes like that. Yeah, that job was fun... Lasted for three days or some such time. And I'm on my fourth week today. So what did I do this week... I actually explained it in a mail to my most avid reader the other day, but I'll repeat it for any new readers:

Pick up two sheets of paper from the right, put them in the middle.
Pick up two sheets of paper from the left, put them in the middle.
Repeat.
Go home at four.

Do you think it's impossible to get any duller than that? Ah, ye of little faith in Bhor, the god of boredome. On Monday, the boxes were coloured green and red (with white in the middle) in a sort of flower arrangement. Tuesday and Wednesday? Black. Ok, and white. Still: not even colours now!

Like I said, I went to school for 22 years straight. Not a single day did I study anything like the jobs I've done. Promise one is BS!
I have no interest in clean floors or folded paper. Promise two is BS!
The jobs I've had these last two months are jobs I had BEFORE Jonte's. It's not progress. Promise three is BS!
I did go on a course! One promise holds water! Wo-hoo! Three days of learning how to hold a mop... Oh dear...
But surely the increase in pay will make that feel better? Actually, I still live on existence minimum. And since I now work in Eslöv (that takes two hours to get to) I now have higher expenses. Sure, Social Services pay for my month travel card, but I didn't know that I would stay for a month the first week. That's like 500 bucks down the drain.

So let's sum up. I was at a place I liked being in. I did work that not anyone could do. I liked my work mates and they liked me. Nobody got hurt by me working there. Nobody in the world got it ANY better by me leaving. Why in the world did the Job Distributers have to pull me away from there? It makes no sense! Ok, so Jonte's couldn't hire me, that's a downer. So? So what? I was happy with getting existence minimum. It was a lot more than I had ever gotten before! Samhall won't hire me either. Apparently they hire like 30 people every autumn and 30 every spring. And what's to say they will spend the money on the paper folding place? And if they do, why on me, specifically?

Why do I get this feeling that the Job Distributers hate me?

An extra tidbit. A few weeks ago I wrote the following statement:

Any topic submitted to me in writing, either in a comment or in a mail (preferably mail) I promise I will write about here.

A rather bold claim, even if I wrote it in italic. It's gone rather well, actually. I've written three so far:

Boobs: http://gargnob.livejournal.com/115348.html
Candy: http://gargnob.livejournal.com/115713.html
Lesbian Twins: http://gargnob.livejournal.com/116488.html [Warning: R-rated post]

The reason I posted that claim is that folding paper only occupies my hands. My brain lies idle. Since I can't stop myself from thinking and I'm a pessimist at heart, I NEED topics to think about. Standing around all day thinking of boobs might not have been the healthiest of things, but it did distract my brain for a while. (I won't even get into that last topic).

What else... Oh, right. I work only four hours a day so far. When I start working eight hours a day, I will have to give up eating dinner. Yeah, it's a shame that the only NON-cleaning work is in Eslöv.. I'll end this post the way I usually end posts about my current situation:

Thank goodness I went to the university for nine years!

Reader suggested topic 3: Lesbian Twins R-rated

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 21:42:01 GMT

Let me reiterate that last bit: R-rated. If you're muture enough to read posts that talk explisitively about sex, then ok. If not, look elsewhere. This isn't my first R-rated post, I believe I know what I'm doing.

So let's get started then? A reader suggested that I wrote a post about lesbian twins. I was rather dumb founded. I had never heard this phrase before. What to do when you hear phrases for the first time? Well, wikipedia.org and dictionary.com of course! Neither of those could help though... Today's post will therefore be adlibbed as it were. I'll write things down as I think of them. That is NOT unusual, that is my usual method of writing... At school, with written assignments, I would read a lot of the litterature, familiarize myself with the topic, write, rewrite, hand it to my spell and syntax checker (my mom) and then change it some more. This livejournal thing? I write things from the top of my head. Ok, so I usually take a lot from wikipedia and dictionary, but they can't help me today, so this will be rather difficult...

We have a word, lesbian twins. Ah, but that word is divided up into two words, isn't it? The scientific method would then be to analyze one bit at a time, thereby getting an understanding of the parts before trying to understand the whole. Excellent, we have a starting point.

Lesbian
The story goes that a long time ago, a few centuries BC I believe, there lived a woman on the island of Lesbos. She was a poet and gathered other women on her island. History claims that the women on the island partook in unmarried sex. A theory of mine is that they didn't. The whole idea of a lot of women alone on an island was too much of a wet dream for the men who didn't go there NOT to be true. Remember: who wrote the history books? That's right, men. Which is also why witches dance around naked on Easter. Why naked? Makes no sense. Except if it's a man telling the story... Regardless, according to the story, a lot of women went to Lesbos. They had same sex interrelations and therefore we now use a word derived from Lesbos as an indicator of females having sex together.

Twins
My goddaughter and her sister are twins. Identical twins even. I have to admit, when they were like 1-3 years old, they weren't that easy to tell apart... After that though, they were so seperate personalities, that you couldn't mistake them. What is a twin? Well, when the egg inside the woman's uderuse start splitting into two, the two into four and so on, sometimes the first two come seperate. From these two evolve two different people. If there are two eggs being fertilised, the twins can be very dissimilar. If it's only one, their similarity can be VERY potent. In movies and TV serieses this is the basis for the most over used cliché ever: the evil twin. Look the same, played by the same actor, but is evil!

There have been a few stories sorrounding twins as well. The one I want to mention here (since I'm going to use it in a bit) is the psychic link. What one twin experiences effects the other as well. If one twin thinks about something really hard, the other will hear it. Telepaty. For a movie reference: The Empire Strikes Back, where in Luke communicates with his twin sister, Leia, for her to come and save him. (the woman saving the man? unusual). Like I mentioned above, my cousins grew up close to me and I never saw this. I don't think I ever asked though...

Lesbian Twins
Upon mentioning this topic to my brother, he tells me that twins more often than most turn out to be homo sexual. He didn't give me a credible source though, so I'll let you decide on that one. To me it sounds silly. Many things do.

Ok, let's assume that we have two sisters. Twins even. They're both into women. Now imagine them having sex. I threw Lesbian Twins into google.com and found hundreds of thousands of sites depicting this. The idea has struck someone in the past... Now imagine that the telepaty thing is real. If sister A does something to sister B, sister A will get part of the experience through their psychic connection. Sort of like self pleasurification. In fact, if sister A does something to herself, sister B should feel it, shouldn't she? This could turn into a most interesting chain reaction kind of thing...

This is all speculation on my part though. I didn't go to any of those sites. Syblings engaged in sexual relations is a tabu subject in my book. However, if someone feels like doing something to someone else without hurting that other someone (unless the other is into that) I say go for it. Two responsible adults should do what ever takes their fancy. Syblings though? Well, wear protection. The whole inbred thing is kind of weird...

Yes, I did it. I wrote a post about a word that I didn't even know existed a few days ago. Do you find my analysis incorrect? If so, I appologize, but I didn't really have much to go on...

Something new at work today

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 20:11:06 GMT

Something new happened at work today. It's really uncommon for new things to happen to me, so I feel I need to write it down.

You know the boxes I've been folding and stuffed with cupons and what not? They're gone. We finished that work up so we can now go on to bigger and better things. Especially bigger...

Now, when I was putting stuff into the boxes, I commented on the fact that one did one thing, another did another and so on, ending up with four people in a row. The point was, however, that if someone was faster than the rest, there was room to do more. Say someone took a shorter lunch break than the others. Or didn't smoke. Or simply is so new that he still tries to do more than his fair share. There was room for that.

Other than that, I've also done folding and breaking jobs. Wherein I worked alone. If I did more than my share, nobody would notice it. True, had I done a lot less than normal, I'm sure someone would notice it, somewhere. There is a big deal of backtalking of people who've been there and done less than they should, I do not partake in that, since I didn't witness the events. Also I'm sort of against back stabbing... Remember, the guy you talk bad about with your friends today will talk bad about you with your friends tomorrow.

So what was done today that was so special? Well, the size of the box for one thing... We're talking close to two metres in length here. I think they're supposed to be display stands when they reach their destination. Now, how do you hold a piece of cardboard together in a box shape? Glue of course. However, due to the gravitational forces in this case (I think they're going to put stuff on the stand, later on) they've chosen to also add staples.

It's simply done thusly: two people pick up the folded, and glued, cardboard sheet. They unfold it into a box shape. Then slowly they insert it around a steel beam. At regular intervals, a third person pushes a foot pedal and the machine puts a staple there. Four of them. Then the two people turns it over and puts on another pile. I believe it will be wrapped in plastic tomorrow to be shipped out to the people who ordered tham.

We did this the whole day. Why was it special? Well, if two people were pressent, we couldn't do it. If one person was talking to some women behind him, he couldn't do his part and work was halted. Lunch? I usually only use about 20 minutes out of my 30 minute lunch. Yeah, I know I should try to relax more. So there was me standing around with nothing to do for ten minutes. Breaks at 2 and 3? I've hardly ever made any use of them. I don't drink coffee so the line to the coffee machine is bereft of me. And, of course, one of the other guys smoked. That takes some time.

So today was the first real team work thing I've done at this job. Sure, worked with people as part of a group, yes. As part of the line, definitely. But in this case, my part was crucial to the job. Had I not been there! They'd find someone else who could pick up cardboard. It's not heavy, it's mostly air.

Oh well... What else is new? Right, it's windy out. Storm tonight according to the weather forecast (sounds like it right now in fact). As I was walking from my job to the train station I was almost pushed over a few times. Also the rain really did sting my face. Might've been mini-hail or something. Wait, I'm doing weather now? Time to end this! Bye!

I lied today!

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 19:49:11 GMT

Let's get it out of the way: pretty much everybody lies. There's even an old saying: little white lies don't hurt. Now, before today, I didn't lie. I actually made that statement a few years back to my cousins. My youngest cousin exclaimed that she didn't believe me and went and asked my mom about it. The conclusion? As far as my mom knew, I had never lied. I've taken quite a lot of pride in the fact that I don't lie. Until the 18th of November, 10 am, Lund train station, platform 4.

The story starts with my train being late ten minutes from Kävlinge station. Since that made me miss my connecting train, it was twenty minutes till the next one... There is a reason why I have safety margins, *shrug*. So I was standing around, reading a book (what, me read? never heard that before, have you?). Up from the right (my blind side) pops a homeless person. I didn't know Lund had them? So he came from the side where I can't see, I was fully engrossed in the story on the page and I wasn't paying attention. His question? Whether or not I could spare a few coins for a homeless person. Now, had I only said "no", that would be the end of that. I live on wellfare, I have no money to spare for anything. (and yet I bought a computer a few months ago, don't try to make sense of it, it won't work).

However, I didn't say no, I said that I had no change. He took it well and moved on. I think he actually got a few coins from the next person so his visit to the train station wasn't futile. What I actually meant was: I have change, in my wallet. If I pick out my wallet, I fear I will drop it or you will snatch it. Also, I want to go back to the story I'm reading, buzz off. But I actually said that I had no change. Which was a lie.

My track record is now ruined. If I was a Catholic I'd go to confession, say a few hail Marys and leave something in the poor box. I'm not, so I can only confess here and now and move on with my life. I'm now a person who DOES lie. This is a life altering experience. How will I use my new found power of lies? Not for good, I'm pretty sure of that ;(.

Reader suggested topic 2: Candy

Tue, 17 Nov 2009 18:21:44 GMT

Yup, another suggested topic will be written today. Before I start, I will mention that I will not write about the sin gluttony and the reward systems our bodies give us to promote the eating of candy. I wrote about that a year and a half ago (http://gargnob.livejournal.com/69260.html). That link is what is sometimes called shameless self promotion. Some disagree with it, but I prefer it to writing about the same topic over and over again. I do that anyway, since I often forget what I've written in the past... Now today's post, I've decided will be written in five parts: candy, chocolate, nuts, fruits and the risks of over consumption. (this is more planning than I usually put in these posts, oh well).

Candy
What is candy? Well, like usual, I went to wikipedia to get an answer (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Candy). In it they talk at length about sugar. Different processes to manifacture different kinds of candy. But when I think of candy, personally, I hardly ever think of just sugar based candy... The dictionary (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/candy) defines it as "any of a variety of confections made with sugar, syrup, etc., often combined with chocolate, fruit, nuts, etc.". Drat. Ok, since my usual sources fail me today, I will just write down what I think, ok? Sugar, yes, usually there is that. Chocolate, nuts and fruits? Yes. I would consider those candy in themselves. Is a chocolate covered peanut not candy? I think it is, but there is no sugar there, so according to wikipedia and the dictionary, it isn't... Fruits? I'll get to that, don't worry.

Chocolate
The mighty god Quetzalcoatl bestowed upon his worshippers a bitter bean called xocolatl. They drank it with water. The Spaniards came and took gold and vegetables back to Spain. It was a disaster. The bean was simply unedible for the Europeans. Somewhere along the line, someone added sugar and milk. Milk chocolate. What a novelty. True, in Sweden most of us have grown up with Marabou milk chocolate. If you give it to a foreigner though, I doubt he'll agree it's chocolate... Apparently you need a cocoa percentage of at least 75% before it's even considered chocolate? Such is life.

Nuts
This one is a bit of a difficult one. Nuts contain no sugar. If sugar is the bad guy AND the definition for candy, surely nuts are good for you? Well... No. Nuts have a tendancy to be salted, sugar coated or covered in chocolate. However, the nuts themselves are shock full of fat. I think I read somewhere a lot of years ago, that if you're a member of weight watchers, you're allowed one handful of nuts a year. That's how bad they are. Oh, and also six raisins.

Fruit
Which brings us to fruit. Now, for decades healthy people have told us to eat fruit instead of candy. Fruit is therefore NOT candy, right? Well... There was a bit of a scare a few months ago. Some scientists or other told reporters that you could become fat from eating too much fruit. I guess it was a slow news day. On the radio they had interviews with the common man on the street (or was it phoned in, I forget, could be both). Most of the interviewees did exlaim that they were stunned by this revelation. Which of course is rather funny as an onlooker. However, there was one guy who was not. To him it was no news that the sugar in fruit is as dangerous as the sugar in candy. Sugar is energy, the body stores energy in fat cells, so logically you get fat from eating fruit. A logical person. I liked him. We need someone to say "hey, wait a minute" when the news media is trying to scare us. Unfortunately they usually get less screen time than the fear mongers, since fear sells.

Over consumption
I already mentioned weight problems in the last paragraph, didn't I? Well, it's true. If you weigh a lot (and I do) you might want to obstain from eating too much energy filled foods. Sugar, carbohydrate and fat are the sources for energy. Fat has been demonised for ages. Sugar has a strong hater group, especially soda, since that is mostly sugar and water. Carbohydrates, with the exception of the Atkin's diet, hasn't had many haters though. Well, it's comming, just you wait. Oh, and just to be redundant: sugar consumption gives you cavities and dentists drills are scary... Don't eat candy.

So, boobs and candy? What will the next reader suggested topic be? I can hardly wait to find out :).
(I'm liking these posts, please, send me more topics)

Tibetan test

Fri, 13 Nov 2009 21:05:39 GMT

I just recently (a few minutes ago) got sent a personality test. Supposedly it was constructed by Tenzin Gyatso, the Dalai Lama. He has the time to construct tests? Isn't he busy trying to free Tibet? By the way, I will be commenting on these questions as I go along, if you want to do the test one day, you really might want to skip this post.

Before the test: think of something you really, really want.
I really want a job, with a steady, survivable income attached to it. I don't want to visit social services once every month to beg for enough money to buy food and pay rent.

With that out of the way, let's start with the questions:

1. Rate, according to preference, these animals: cow, tiger, sheep, horse and pig.

The idea is that the thing you rate the most is what is most important to you in life according to these criteria:

Cow: Career
Tiger: Pride
Sheep: Love
Horse: Family
Pig: Money

So sheep = love? Am I sensing a bit of zoofilia here? My pick for number one? Tiger. I watched Kung Fu Panda recently and Tigress was hot. Angelina Jolie without the stick thin arms, perfect. That means that I put my pride over my family and the rest of it. Oh well, it's only one question, more will follow.

2. Write down the word that comes to mind when you hear these words: dog, cat, rat, coffee and ocean.

It's interpreted thusly:
Dog: your own personality
Cat: your partners personality
Rat: your enemies personality
Coffee: your views on sex
Ocean: how I view my life

When I think coffee, I think the word Yuck! It smells bad and taste worse. And that is my view on sex? No wonder I'm still a virgin... How I view my life? Salty.

3. Consider these five colours and assosiate them with five people who you know and know you: yellow, orange, red, white and green.

Interpretation:
Yellow: person who you will never forget
Orange: a real friend
Red: someone you love
White: you twin soul
Green: a memorable person

To me the colour red is the colour of passion and hate. So I put a person whom I dislike somewhat, but who is very passionate. Turns out I love him? Please don't tell his wife...

4. Your favorite number and your favourite day of the week.

The idea is that you're supposed to send the test along to the number of people that is your favourite number. I almost picked the number 7 612 064 019. It's something of a favourite of mine. Finding 7 billion mail adresses to spam though... Thankfully I changed it to to 7. Was still quite difficult to think of seven people who wouldn't hate me for sending the stupid test to them. My new favourite number which I will use whenever someone asks? One.

Day of week? That is when my wish will come true, IF I send the test along. So on some Saturday, someone will give me a job. What kind of company hires their staff on a Saturday? You know, if the pay is big enough, I can work Saturdays...

I've done a lot of these in the past. I usually dislike them and I have never sent them on in the past. However, I really want a job, so this time I did. I hope Tenzin Gyatso appreciates it...

PS. Yes, I know that he doesn't know the test exists. Yes, I know that whoever made the test up just put his name on it to sound important. Yes, I know that seven people will never speak to me ever again... Oh well.

Reader suggested topic 1: Boobs

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 19:29:57 GMT

Two days ago, I rather hastily proclaimed:

Any topic submitted to me in writing, either in a comment or in a mail (preferably mail) I promise I will write about here.

On that post, I got two comments. The first one proclaiming that the most important topic to write about for me would be boobs. The second wholeheartedly agreed. That topic would be the best one for me to write about. Does that mean that I have at least two people reading my posts? Nice :).

So, today's topic is boobs. What then are boobs? Well, the s at the end, in English, means that it's plural. What is A boob then? The dictionary (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/boob) was quite clear on the matter. Other sources, which I looked up yesterday and forgot to bookmark, told me the same thing. Therefore it is very clear what a boob is. It's either a noun, with two meanings, or a verb derived from the sedond meaning:

1.     a stupid person; fool; dunce.
2.     British. a blunder; mistake.

3.     British. to blunder.

Boob is either a person who is prone to making mistakes, a mistake or it is the act of making mistakes. That was easy enough. In other words: if someone calls you a boob, he's insulting your intelligence. Thump him!

I could end this post right there. After all, I defined the word, I wrote about it's usage and I found it to be a good phrase. However, considering the amount of exclamation marks at the end of the two comments, I'm pretty sure the writers had another definition in mind:

Slang, sometimes vulgar:
a female breast.

You know, we didn't learn that much slang back in English class. Only in recent years, through the mediums of movies, games and books, have I learned some of the more interesting phrases in the language. Like jugs, melons, flap-jacks, puppies, kazonkas, hooters, air bags, pillows, ta-tas, tits, headlights, the twins, knockers, boobies and probably a few dozen more. My favourite would have to be "HUGE ... tracts of land" from Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975).

So, am I to assume that my two anonymus fans wanted me to write about that topic? Like I wrote a minute ago, I could just assume that the definition was a fool and leave it at that. But then I'd just make my fans upset... Also, I always keep my promises.

What function does a female breast have then? Well, humans, like all mamals, feed their young milk from their own body. The idea as I understand it is that the baby has lived off of it's mother for nine months before getting born and continues living off of her for another 18 years. The first six to twelve months by getting nutrition from the breasts.

A purely biological function then? Sounds resonable. Why then are breasts used so much in advertisements and why would two fans throw in multiple exlemation marks after their suggestions? Well, this is purely speculation from my end, of course, since my own knowledge is limited. However, I believe that in times past, men wanted women who could raise the best young. In those days, schools, education and cars hadn't really been invented yet. The best person to raise young would be a woman who was well fed and therefore would give the most milk. Somewhere along the lines, that meant that big = better = more desireable. Of course, only women with a good strong body would have big breasts. You can even see evidence of that today. Women who undergo plastic surgery to get breast enhancements often end up with back problems. Their bodies simply cannot handle the constant extra weight.

If we assume that is just silly rambling, since we don't live under those conditions today and therefore it shouldn't matter, why do so many men go after the big tittied women? Another theory is that the breasts are the most significant female atribute. True, the vagina is more important in the baby making department, but the breasts are the most obvious. You can even notice them through three layers of shirts. It only makes sense therefore that bigger breasts = more womanly. (plastic surgeons make millions on this theory).

Is there anything else to say? Hm, I don't think so, so let's sum up:
Boob: a word for a stupid person or the act of a stupid person.
Boob: a slang word for a female breast. Considered vulgar and therefore not found in all dictionaries...